Understanding Anger
Understanding Anger - Quotes
I keep seeing this quote about anger by Lawrence Douglas Wilder, “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” I get what he’s saying, but I don’t completely agree. It actually makes me feel a little trapped, the statement, Anger doesn’t solve anything.
I am a strong believer in feeling feelings. If we don’t feel our feelings, we bury them and they bloom as resentment and bitterness and can also turn into destructive behaviors, ruining relationships with others and ourselves. I think it’s easy to say Anger doesn’t solve anything or don’t be angry because people don’t want to deal with an angry person or their angry behaviors, but just because we are angry doesn’t mean we have to yell or throw things and be destructive. We have a right to feel whatever the heck we are feeling, including anger.
It builds nothing, but can destroy everything. Well, it can sure build some understanding into what we are feeling. If we don’t feel our anger, how can we deal with it? Isn’t it in the feeling that we find clarity? Don’t we need to go through something in order to get over it? This doesn’t mean that we thrash around in anger until we figure it out. That can certainly destroy everything. But merely feeling anger will not destroy everything.
It’s easy to say feel your feelings and then let them go, but what does that mean and what does that look like? I think people get angry and deal with anger in different ways and dealing with the anger can sometimes depend on the cause. I am no anger expert so I won’t pretend to be. I will say that doing some research on anger and seeing what feels helpful for you is a start.
Here are some quotes and information I found in the midst of my own anger that I find helpful. Feel free to send me some through email or in the comments at the end of this blog that you find helpful if you’d like to.
Thanks for reading <3 Leticia Rae
Anger Styles Via TheMindJournal
Aggressive: When you’re angry, everyone knows it. You might yell or throw things. There’s a need to control the situation.
Passive: You keep your anger to yourself and shove it down to avoid it. It wears away at you from the inside out.
Passive Aggressive: You express your anger indirectly. You may say one thing and then do another.
Projective Aggressive: You give your anger to others to deal with or you get others angry so you aren’t the bad guy.
Assertive: You openly express your anger and then try to work it out with the other person and move forward.
If you are being completely honest with yourself, which angry are you? DO NOT feel bad if you are not at the assertive point yet. Have you ever been angry and you know you will lash out so you ask someone to give you space so you can calm down but they won’t? They are kinda asking for trouble, right?
Be as patient as you possibly can be in your anger and tell them that you don’t want to do or say something out of anger so you are going to need some space to calm down and find some clarity before you can talk about it. It’s your right to set that boundary for yourself…and ultimately for them. Sometimes we need some time to get to a point where we can be assertive and that’s perfectly OKAY. <3 Leticia Rae
Anger Management
“I think it’s so unfair that I have to manage my anger just because people can’t manage their stupidity.”
I don’t know who said this, but I totally feel this at times, especially when feeling irritated. I know it sounds mean and I don’t like calling people stupid, honestly, but when I’m irritable it’s definitely something I feel. Usually once the anger subsides I realize they aren’t actually stupid but I was actually just being really impatient in my irritability. <3 Leticia Rae
“Pay attention to what people say out of anger, they’ve been dying to tell you that.”
Isn’t that the truth? I am not saying it’s the ideal way to communicate how we are feeling but sometimes it gets to this point. Maybe when this happens it’s because we don’t know exactly what we are feeling until we find the clarity through the anger? Makes sense to me. I have heard that it’s healthy for couples to fight or argue. Maybe it’s because things get said that haven’t made their way out yet.
We all wish we can communicate in a positive and healthy way all the time, but that’s not always possible and we can’t beat ourselves up for not being able to hold ourselves to this perfect standard all the time either. I think it’s something we strive for, but we are human. It’s all dependent on the situation all the variables, right? <3 Leticia Rae
Anger is a mask…it covers up your true feelings like fear, jealousy, frustration or powerlessness. It’s a way of dealing with a situation when you haven’t processed the real feelings behind it.
-unknown
The goal isn’t to never feel ANGRY. The goal is to UNDERSTAND your anger and to choose HEALTHY ways to respond to it.
-unknown
Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.
-Eckhart Tolle
Someone said, 'anger is a sadness that had nowhere to go for a very long time" and I'll never forget it.
-unknown
You never realize how much anger you've been storing inside you. Not until something small makes you lash out in a fury of rage.
-unknown
Psychology Fact: Anger is a natural defense against pain. When someone says 'I hate you,' they really mean 'You hurt me.'
-unknown
I wanna share something my therapist said about anger that blew my mind: 'Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that loves you.
-Lindsey Gallant
Your anger? It's telling you where you feel powerless. Your anxiety? It's telling you that something in your life is off balance. Your fear? It's telling you what you care about. Your apathy? It's telling you where you're overextended and burnt out. Your feelings aren't random, they are messengers. And if you want to get anywhere, you need to be able to let them speak to you, and tell you what you really need.
-Brianna Wiest
“If another can easily anger you, it is because you are off balance with yourself.”
“Angry is just sad's bodyguard.”
-Liza Palmer
“Anger turned into determination is actually a higher vibration than sadness, as it can work to fuel you to make the changes you need in your life.”
-Janet McKee
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Let go.”
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
-Buddha
And as always…some humor at the end to lighten the mood.
“There’s no angry way to say Bubbles.”
“I’m not angry, this is just my face.”
“I’m not angry, you’re angry! :p”
